A Family Crisis
"Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten" -Lilo and Stitch
When an individual goes through trouble they are usually the only one affected by the stressor. If a family is troubled, everyone in the family is affected. It is important to understand that having a crisis is not the end of the world just because family crisis mandates necessary change in the family system. A crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. There are a few potential outcomes on the family after a crisis. They either:
a.) don't recover
b.) recover little by little with a few dents in the system
c.) recover to their original state
d.) recover and rise above their original state.
The outcome of a family's crisis depends on the family and the stressor. A stressor is something that puts a strain in the marriage. For example, unemployment is a stressor. Sometimes in the midst of a crisis family members may try to assign blame, feel shame, find comfort aside from a spouse, and some rules or roles have to be shifted. Overall, I feel like in order to overcome a crisis you must power through it together.
My family went through a unique crisis a couple years ago. During an extended family gathering, my dad was with his siblings and all their kids plus my brother and sisters in the mountains when he suffered a saddle pulmonary embolism in which a blood clot had traveled through his lungs and into his heart. My mom and I were not there with him at the time since my mom and her sister had picked me up from a leadership training a few hours away. He was hospitalized when we were just a couple hours away. To stress the severity of his condition, only an average of two percent of patients who are diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism have a chance of survival. My stress levels were high, but I can not imagine the emotions my mother was dealing with. I felt like I was to blame for her not being able to be with her husband at the beginning of this crisis. How she kept it all together is beyond me; she is truly amazing.
Shortly after we arrived at the hospital my mom was able to go with my dad when he was flown to a bigger hospital a couple hours away. Even after I had seen my dad awake and smiling in his hospital bed, I had so much pent up fear and unsure feelings. My Aunt Janae and I continued traveling to her home where she allowed me and my 14 year old sister to spend the night. My youngest siblings were also well taken care of since a couple of my aunts willingly offered to keep and watch them through the night at my grandmother's house even though they had a few young children of their own to care for.
The next day, I felt a shift in roles take place since I had a somewhat different responsibility to watch over my siblings since my mom and dad were not present. Again, one of the greatest blessings during this time was the support and guidance of my extended family. We were all affected by this crisis, so together we contributed something as to keep us together and strengthen our family. Everyone's warm hospitality, hopeful words, and hugs made this crisis a little more bearable. My Aunt Rima gave me over a hundred hugs with her big cheesy smile that weekend, and every time she reminded me to pray and trust Heavenly Father. Everyone's example of faith and prayer provided me with comfort that my dad was going to be okay, and within the week he was okay. He and my mom soon returned back to our family.
The ABC-X model, created by Rubin Hill, explains why families outcomes differ. The formula looks something like this:
A(ctual event) + B(oth resources and responses available) + C(ognitions) = X (total experience)
In my family's case, the actual event was my dad's pulmonary embolism. The resources and responses available to me included faith, extended family, and the medical staff to rely on. My cognition, or the way I thought about the problem was hopeful and a test of my faith; I really did have to trust in the Lord. As a result, my total experience was an increased testimony and appreciation for my family. As scared as I was in the moment, I came out of it with so much gratitude for the family unit and Heavenly Father's watchful care over us.
Many people do not like being under stress, but without stress or challenges we could not grow. Family crises are not fun, but they are possible to overcome because the basic unit of the family is fundamental to the success and growth of society. My suggestion to everyone is to find a healthy outlet. Trust in something, communicate with each other, and form a plan to overcome it together. There is hope at the end of the tunnel; you just have to keep moving towards it.
When an individual goes through trouble they are usually the only one affected by the stressor. If a family is troubled, everyone in the family is affected. It is important to understand that having a crisis is not the end of the world just because family crisis mandates necessary change in the family system. A crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. There are a few potential outcomes on the family after a crisis. They either:
a.) don't recover
b.) recover little by little with a few dents in the system
c.) recover to their original state
d.) recover and rise above their original state.
The outcome of a family's crisis depends on the family and the stressor. A stressor is something that puts a strain in the marriage. For example, unemployment is a stressor. Sometimes in the midst of a crisis family members may try to assign blame, feel shame, find comfort aside from a spouse, and some rules or roles have to be shifted. Overall, I feel like in order to overcome a crisis you must power through it together.
My family went through a unique crisis a couple years ago. During an extended family gathering, my dad was with his siblings and all their kids plus my brother and sisters in the mountains when he suffered a saddle pulmonary embolism in which a blood clot had traveled through his lungs and into his heart. My mom and I were not there with him at the time since my mom and her sister had picked me up from a leadership training a few hours away. He was hospitalized when we were just a couple hours away. To stress the severity of his condition, only an average of two percent of patients who are diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism have a chance of survival. My stress levels were high, but I can not imagine the emotions my mother was dealing with. I felt like I was to blame for her not being able to be with her husband at the beginning of this crisis. How she kept it all together is beyond me; she is truly amazing.
 |
| My mom, dad, Aunt Rima, and Uncle Robert together in the hospital. |
Shortly after we arrived at the hospital my mom was able to go with my dad when he was flown to a bigger hospital a couple hours away. Even after I had seen my dad awake and smiling in his hospital bed, I had so much pent up fear and unsure feelings. My Aunt Janae and I continued traveling to her home where she allowed me and my 14 year old sister to spend the night. My youngest siblings were also well taken care of since a couple of my aunts willingly offered to keep and watch them through the night at my grandmother's house even though they had a few young children of their own to care for.
The next day, I felt a shift in roles take place since I had a somewhat different responsibility to watch over my siblings since my mom and dad were not present. Again, one of the greatest blessings during this time was the support and guidance of my extended family. We were all affected by this crisis, so together we contributed something as to keep us together and strengthen our family. Everyone's warm hospitality, hopeful words, and hugs made this crisis a little more bearable. My Aunt Rima gave me over a hundred hugs with her big cheesy smile that weekend, and every time she reminded me to pray and trust Heavenly Father. Everyone's example of faith and prayer provided me with comfort that my dad was going to be okay, and within the week he was okay. He and my mom soon returned back to our family.
 |
| This picture was taken during our annual family festivities. Missing from this picture is my oldest sister (serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints out of the country) and obviously my parents. I keep this photo around to remind myself of how lucky I was to be in the midst of extended family during such a crisis. |
A(ctual event) + B(oth resources and responses available) + C(ognitions) = X (total experience)
In my family's case, the actual event was my dad's pulmonary embolism. The resources and responses available to me included faith, extended family, and the medical staff to rely on. My cognition, or the way I thought about the problem was hopeful and a test of my faith; I really did have to trust in the Lord. As a result, my total experience was an increased testimony and appreciation for my family. As scared as I was in the moment, I came out of it with so much gratitude for the family unit and Heavenly Father's watchful care over us.
Many people do not like being under stress, but without stress or challenges we could not grow. Family crises are not fun, but they are possible to overcome because the basic unit of the family is fundamental to the success and growth of society. My suggestion to everyone is to find a healthy outlet. Trust in something, communicate with each other, and form a plan to overcome it together. There is hope at the end of the tunnel; you just have to keep moving towards it.
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