Dating Culture: Is It Really That Scary?
How do you feel about the word "dating?" Does is make you anxious, want to roll your eyes, or excited? In today's world, dating is becoming more of a burden than something fun to do to get to know someone. At some point the dating culture changed where all of a sudden asking someone out seems to be too forward or something. It's like we worry that if we ask someone out on a date they'll think we're in love with them which is nonsense. We need to stop and realize that it's just a date. Dates are great. They are an opportunity to do an activity with someone and get to know them better, and since it's just a date you can go out with as many boys or girls that you want to before narrowing down your options and becoming exclusive with a special someone. That's the beautiful thing about dating: you are allowed to date different people based on your attraction to them without the pressure of marriage. Of course attractiveness plays a part in wanting to date someone. In fact, there are a couple laws of attraction. These include physical attraction and similarities. As humans, we are prone to have fantasies about people based on how they look. Attraction is truly just assumptions, hope, and fantasies, but they're totally necessary for relationships. Similarities also attract because it's familiar based on common experiences and mutual support/friends.
Before we get into the steps and subjective concepts of dating, let's explore why the dating culture is currently so lame. In today's world dating seems to be scary because there's a chance you'll be turned down or there's the fear of feeling "committed" to someone. Therefore, we beat around the bush when we want to spend time with someone by using the loose term "hanging out." This is a very unclear concept which can be dangerous because I can enjoy hanging out with people with no intentions of furthering our friendship because I don't realize a guy may be interested in me if we just "hang out." Hanging out gives off the friend zone impression because in all reality you're just killing time. It doesn't really further your relationship or show interest in the opposite sex.
So what is dating? A date is planned, paid for, and paired off. This week I learned about the know quo which is how you get to know someone. This know quo involves togetherness, talk, and time. Being together means you share experiences. Talking allows mutual self disclosure in which you establish what you think and how you feel. Studies say that it takes a minimum of three months to begin to know someone, so ladies and gentleman, take your time. One date does not mean wedding bells. Dating is the very first and most basic step towards marriage. After dating comes courtship in which you date exclusively, then engagement, then marriage. So, yes, overall you should be dating with the intention to eventually find a spouse, but in all seriousness it's just a date and there should be no pressure.
Dates are supposed to be basic. A first date gives you the opportunity to learn about someone else to see if you would like to go on a second date. According to the RAM scale, it is important that you know, trust, rely, commit, and touch a person with the right amount at the right time. It is critical in relationships to know a person before you trust them, trust them before you rely on them, rely on them before you commit, and commit before you touch them. As soon as you put touch or commitment before knowing or trusting someone, the scale is out of whack and you enter a dangerous zone because the higher your touch is with someone the more likely your brain tricks you into thinking you know, trust, rely, and are committed to someone. So, take it slow and do it right.
I believe that it takes a combined effort - both boys and girls - to recreate a healthier dating culture for society. We've made it way too complicated. Guys, just ask her out if you want to get to know her. Girls, chill out; it's not a proposal. It really is just a date, so enjoy yourself and enjoy the ride of getting to know others and have fun!
If you're interested in learning more or are in need of some refreshing ideas for basic dates, I highly encourage visiting this blog that my friend has contributed to during his schooling towards becoming a marriage and family therapist.
Before we get into the steps and subjective concepts of dating, let's explore why the dating culture is currently so lame. In today's world dating seems to be scary because there's a chance you'll be turned down or there's the fear of feeling "committed" to someone. Therefore, we beat around the bush when we want to spend time with someone by using the loose term "hanging out." This is a very unclear concept which can be dangerous because I can enjoy hanging out with people with no intentions of furthering our friendship because I don't realize a guy may be interested in me if we just "hang out." Hanging out gives off the friend zone impression because in all reality you're just killing time. It doesn't really further your relationship or show interest in the opposite sex.
So what is dating? A date is planned, paid for, and paired off. This week I learned about the know quo which is how you get to know someone. This know quo involves togetherness, talk, and time. Being together means you share experiences. Talking allows mutual self disclosure in which you establish what you think and how you feel. Studies say that it takes a minimum of three months to begin to know someone, so ladies and gentleman, take your time. One date does not mean wedding bells. Dating is the very first and most basic step towards marriage. After dating comes courtship in which you date exclusively, then engagement, then marriage. So, yes, overall you should be dating with the intention to eventually find a spouse, but in all seriousness it's just a date and there should be no pressure.
Dates are supposed to be basic. A first date gives you the opportunity to learn about someone else to see if you would like to go on a second date. According to the RAM scale, it is important that you know, trust, rely, commit, and touch a person with the right amount at the right time. It is critical in relationships to know a person before you trust them, trust them before you rely on them, rely on them before you commit, and commit before you touch them. As soon as you put touch or commitment before knowing or trusting someone, the scale is out of whack and you enter a dangerous zone because the higher your touch is with someone the more likely your brain tricks you into thinking you know, trust, rely, and are committed to someone. So, take it slow and do it right.
I believe that it takes a combined effort - both boys and girls - to recreate a healthier dating culture for society. We've made it way too complicated. Guys, just ask her out if you want to get to know her. Girls, chill out; it's not a proposal. It really is just a date, so enjoy yourself and enjoy the ride of getting to know others and have fun!
If you're interested in learning more or are in need of some refreshing ideas for basic dates, I highly encourage visiting this blog that my friend has contributed to during his schooling towards becoming a marriage and family therapist.
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